


i am: free

by beginsalie



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, i am albums, mention of anxiety, mention of nightmares, minsung - Freeform, they are pretty lost at the beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 17:57:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20393803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beginsalie/pseuds/beginsalie
Summary: a mini minsung au based on the “i am” series. 3 albums, 7 songs = 21 songs. sara turns 22 so 21 parts + epilogue. every part is inspired by the song they go with.





	i am: free

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hellomate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellomate/gifts).

> hello <3 i came back for sara’s birthday! this time i tried with short improvisation. sorry for the lowercase. it was just simpler like this. a big thanks to danny for helping me to see my mistakes and correcting them.
> 
> don't forget that you can find me on my [writing twitter](https://twitter.com/beginsalie);  
on my [main twitter](https://twitter.com/bychaeng) (where you can talk to me more freely);  
and on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/beginsalie) if you have any question ♡

i am: not  
part 1: NOT!

when jisung told his parents he wanted to leave his business major and start a music production one, they told him the only thing he was going to leave was home. it was late in the evening and the only place jisung thought he could go was the music school. he had no idea of what he was doing. he was just a lost boy with his belongings in a bag that didn’t close well enough and didn’t have a place to go. he just wanted to be different. to stop suffering. to do what he loved and to love what he did. he was just tired.  
it was late, but the music school was never in silence. he could hear the music without even trying to. jisung knew that a lot of music producers stayed there working until early in the morning, but the producers’ studios were soundproof so that couldn’t be them. even so, jisung let himself follow the music. it led him to one of the dance rooms. when he realized that he was prying and he was watching someone dancing during his private practice and he wanted to go, it was too late. jisung was already too immersed in minho’s movements.

i am: not  
part 2: district 9

jisung was so focused that when the music stopped he had to blink twice. minho was looking at him, head tilted and a funny expression on his face. the younger boy was about to bend down to apology, but just when he tried his bag opened suddenly and some of his stuff like his toothbrush, his phone charger and his emotional support plushie fell out. he flinched and picked everything up quickly, very embarrassed, while excusing himself, mumbling “sorry” here and there. minho’s expression hadn’t had changed since the very first moment. he seemed to be having a good time.

“are you going to have a slumber party or something like that?” pointed minho out.

“oh, uhm, no. no, no. my parents kicked me out.”

the air was heavier after that. jisung wanted to apologize for having been watching and minho wanted to apologize for being so bold, but neither of them was speaking.

“is your bag broken? if you want, i can show you how i pack my things. like, in bundles.”

jisung was surprised, but he nodded since he needed it. minho kneeled down and started folding the clothes with each other while jisung watched.

“do you study here? if you don’t mind me asking,” minho tried to talk to him.

“yes. i mean... it’s my first year. i applied for it and they accepted me. my parents didn’t know about it. i just quit my previous major. it’s complicated.”

“and you don’t have any place to stay?,” minho kept asking.

“n-no,” pouted jisung. minho gave him a judging face. “look, i didn’t think they‘d kick me out! i mean, they say it a lot, but who actually kicks their children out?”

“my parents,” answered minho while getting up.

jisung closed his mouth.

“there you have. your clothes. they are much nicer now.” minho smiled and started picking his stuff up. when he was done, he turned around and faced jisung. “c’mon.”

“huh?”

“i said c’mon. you’re coming with me. i have enough space.”

“what?”

“you can find a job and help with the bills. i’ve been there, kid. we are the broke lost artists that will never be successful and that will always disappoint their parents. we are in the same social scale as delinquents. so we need to team up and help each other. you in or not?”

jisung had never picked something that faster in his whole life like the way he picked minho’s bundles. well, his bundles.

“i’m jisung. han jisung. thank you so much.”

“lee minho. welcome to the school. this is our district.”

i am: not  
part 3: mirror

the next months were hell for jisung. he was new to the school and he was lost, he felt like he didn’t fit in. it was hard but he kept going on and never giving up. he went to class everyday, didn’t miss a practice even when he was feeling anxious. he didn’t understand. he was finally doing what he wanted. he was running away. but no matter how fast he did it or how far he went, he still didn’t feel well. he didn’t find his place. he didn’t find himself.  
he found a job in a cafeteria near the school and that was what kept him sane. he loved working there: coffee’s smell relaxed him and he felt relieved because he could bring money at home. minho and jisung had bonded and minho used to go to jisung’s café when practice was over.  
minho would order his favorite hot chocolate and wait for jisung to close the café so they could go home together. jisung started finding a strange comfort in minho’s regular visits and in how chocolate always made its way to minho’s face, making him look like he had a mustache.  
jisung also loved his job because he was familiar with the regular customers and he ended up being friends with people from his own major. they were older than him but chris and changbin started giving him study tips and music recommendations. jisung still didn’t know who he was... but things started getting easier. he showed minho his lyrics. minho introduced felix and hyunjin to him. hyunjin started going to the cafeteria to entertain him sometimes. felix used to join him. they were his age so they were easy to talk to. jisung had a harry potter marathon with them and minho complained because he didn’t understand the harry potter universe. jisung laughed and asked minho what house he was in, alleging that he was a gryffindor. minho scoffed a “same” while hyunjin and felix yelled furiously at them both. minho shrugged it off.  
jisung had to promise him they were going to watch another movie alone together when felix and hyunjin weren’t there. they ended up having thursday’s movie nights. the first movie they watched was your name. minho refused to admit that he cried. jisung was a sobbing mess. minho seemed to know what was wrong just by looking at him. and when jisung looked at himself in the mirror, he thought;

“i don’t know myself, but maybe you’re starting to do so.”

i am: not  
part 4: awaken

the first time minho heard jisung screaming while he was sleeping, he first thought jisung was dying.

jisung’s screams were so real, minho’s heart stopped for a second before going to his room and checking on him. he was covered in sweat and tears and by the way he was screaming, he looked like he was agonizing. then minho realized he was only dreaming and, somehow, he felt relieved. but not for long.

“jisung,” minho called. “jisung.”

jisung opened his big eyes and looked at him, terrified. his chest was going up and down at a speedy pace.

“where am i?”

“safe. it was just a dream. you are safe. i’m minho. it was a dream. it’s okay.”

jisung trembled and started sobbing, holding minho’s shirt with both of his hands.

“hyung.”

“i know. i’m here,” minho said while getting into jisung’s bed and wrapping him around. jisung came closer. “it’s okay.”

i am: not  
part 5: ROCK

jisung also went through a frustrated phase. at first, he was only sad and didn’t understand why he didn’t find his place in the world, but then it became a personal issue and it started making him mad. he became an irritable person, he started to get angry easily and he self pitied himself a lot. he was mad at his parents, at himself, at the society, at the world. minho took him to the amusement park and jisung screamed loudly on the top of the rollercoaster. after that, jisung’s eyes looked bright and minho laughed a lot with him that day. when jisung came back home, he cried.

i am: not  
part 6: grow up

at minho’s first dance recital, he fell. it took a whole week for jisung to convince him to go to practice again. jisung spent everyday by his side, mumbling comforting words and trying to sound as reasonable as possible. they were young, they were supposed to fuck up. minho was okay. he was doing fine. he needed to get up and practice. he needed to gain confidence because he was the best at what he was doing. he needed to believe it. jisung never stopped telling him so. they were growing up. they learned from their mistakes. and, for the first time, jisung believed in his own words. but minho had a dark shadow in his eyes.

i am: not  
part 7: 3rd eye

even though jisung kept composing lyrics and producing music, he never felt like any song he did was good enough. he was starting to like the music school, but he still didn’t feel like he fit in.

“is that i don’t know myself? or is that i’m too used to not knowing myself that now that i’m close to do so i’m afraid to know the answer? do i want to know myself? do i want to open my third eye?”

i am: who  
part 8: WHO?

the truth was that minho wasn’t feeling himself either. but what was feeling himself? had he ever felt himself? he was tired of putting a smile on and pretending everything was okay. he was exhausted. he was kicked out of home, he was called the ugliest names you could imagine, yet he managed to survive. and for what? to be smiling like nothing ever happened to him? to encourage everyone when he was actually feeling like he couldn’t do it anymore? he didn’t even know how to practice with that energy he used to have before. who was him? who was minho? just a backup dancer. he was no one.

i am: who  
part 9: my pace

the day jisung learned he wasn’t the worst at what he was doing was thanks to chris. the older caught him in the middle of a breakdown at one of the producers’ studios. he held jisung and taught him there weren’t “the best” or “the worst” but people that simply went on their pace and rhythm. when chris sent him the mixtape he was the proudest of and told jisung he worked on it for a year and a half, jisung never rushed himself again.

i am: who  
part 10: voices

minho was already used to jisung’s screams at night, so when he woke him up that night he gestured him to follow him quickly. jisung, still trying to recover from his nightmare, tried to do his best and followed minho rubbing his eyes. minho remembered jisung at the amusement park. he got out of the apartment they both shared and rushed to the rooftop. when jisung got there, minho was sitting with his legs hanging into the void. he sat down with him. it was cold.

“what are we doing here?”

“scream,” simply said minho.

and jisung obeyed. after that, he just cried.

i am: who  
part 11: question

the day jisung’s parents asked him to come back home, jisung broke his arm when he punched the wall out of anger.

i am: who  
part 12: insomnia

one of the nights jisung couldn’t sleep, he decided to get up because trying to sleep was pointless and he found minho in the couch looking through the window. he accommodated himself next to him, placing his head on his shoulder, and decided to ask:

“what are you waiting for?”

“for the alarm to ring so a new day starts,” was the answer he got.

“you can’t sleep?”

minho shook his head, emotionless.

“i wish i was like the sun and i could go to sleep every night without having any trouble.”

“you are my sun,” jisung chuckled and booped minho’s nose. minho smiled but it didn’t last.

jisung hugged him until the sun rose.

i am: who  
part 13: M.I.A

jisung was worried about minho. he missed him, the old minho. he didn’t smile anymore, and jisung didn’t understand. they had known each other for a while already and it wasn’t normal for minho to act like that. it was hard for jisung, if we are going to be honest. he didn’t handle it well because he didn’t know how to cheer minho up and he was used to help his friends and also because minho was his main pillar and he felt like something was missing. one of the days minho was hanging out at the café, he drank his hot chocolate and didn’t let it leave a mustache on his face. jisung stared at him while he was washing the glasses and he suddenly realized.

“you don’t know who you are either, right?”

i am: who  
part 14: awkward silence

it was minho’s birthday and jisung had gifted him some funny cat stickers, a kitten plushie and a song. he even baked a cake and made a birthday card signed with a big “from: the biggest minhoe out there.” minho did thank him, but that was all. jisung was desperate. desperate to make him laugh, to get any expression out of him. he was frustrated, scared, alone and sad.

“minho! why do you look so down?“

minho stared at him blankly.

“don’t you like your presents?”

“it’s not that, jisung,” minho sighed, worried. he looked like he was going to cry.

jisung was done.

“don’t you dare to cry on me, lee minho! i mean... cry if you need to! but stop this already! why don’t you laugh? why don’t you talk to me? what’s going on? i’m going to need you to smile soon. i’m going to need you to be your weird self again soon, to reflect on yourself and to hang around making those weird ‘meow’ sounds to bother me.”

minho was frowning and trying not to cry.

“lee minho!,” yelled jisung while starting to cry. “stop frowning, you will get wrinkles,” he continued sobbing.

and minho smirked.

“is that why are you crying? because i will get wrinkles?”

jisung hiccupped.

“y-yes. you will get ugly...”

that night, minho opened up.

i am: you  
part 15: YOU.

jisung was watching minho dancing when he sighed out of frustration. a sudden weight was relieved from his shoulders. he knew.

i am: you  
part 16: i am YOU

jisung realized it was minho the one who filled his emptiness. the one who was there. that he would die for him, but the most important thing: that he would live for him. and that was important because he never thought he could have enough strength to live for someone, and in that moment jisung did not only want to live for minho but for himself. and when he realized, he felt the happiest ever.

“i didn’t know who i was but i am you, i see me in you. when i don’t know who i am and you appear, i’m not afraid anymore. there is no me without you because you have taught me how to be me. i’m going to stay by your side so please stay by mine.”

i am: you  
part 17: my side

when he listened to jisung confessing, minho knew it immediately. all the confused feelings he was having, all the bad thoughts, they disappeared for a moment. all his worries and bad feelings weren’t there for a second, and he felt euphoric. he knew life wasn’t easy but he had jisung and that was enough.

“i’ll stay by your side because you have been by my mine all this time.”

they both knew they liked each other, and those were times of secret holding hands, shared shy smiles and a normality to which they both got used quickly and happily. they were okay with that, and that was what it mattered.

i am: you  
part 18: hero’s soup

“how do you think chris likes his soup?,” jisung asked one day while eating.

“is this some kind of ‘what’s his name, how old is he, how does he like his soup in the morning’ joke?,” minho raised his eyebrow.

jisung laughed out loud. “no! i meant it. when i was a kid, i realized that my didn’t dad liked the soup with too many salt nor vinegar, not even spicy. and i used to think he was... boring. that real heroes ate soup with some... hard flavor. because they are adults. and life is hard? so i kinda thought about chris.”

“and chris is your hero?,” minho mocked him.

“shut up, minho,” jisung threw him a little piece of bread. “we are never eating soup again.”

i am: you  
part 19: get cool

when jisung released his first completed mixtape, he was so excited he kissed minho. right after the little peck on his lips, he facepalmed himself and turned red, apologizing over and over again while minho laughed softly. seeing that minho wasn’t bothered, jisung just went for it.

“then, can i kiss you?”

“haven’t you realized already, jisung? we can do whatever we want. we are unstoppable.”

i am: you  
part 20: N/S

after that, jisung asked minho out on a date and told him to choose the place. minho answered he had no idea of what to do and he talked back to him, insisting that if jisung was the one taking him out, he should be the one choosing. after (jokingly) fighting for a while, they both decided to say something and then they would choose together. at the end, jisung offered going to the amusement park just for the fun and the memories, and minho offered to go to a cat café. they both laughed at the difference in the plans. they had to walk a lot for jisung’s plan while they had to do nothing at all for minho’s one but they loved both of the plans. extreme opposites, winning in both sides.

i am: you  
part 21: 0325

on the 25th of march, they had their first date. minho’s plan won and they spent the whole afternoon surrounded by cats. minho had never looked so bright. minho felt like exploding.  
when jisung started to sing to “blooming day” in public to ask minho if he would date him (“so baby can i be your boyfriend, can i?”), minho laughed while hitting him and tried to shush him up.

“i will agree if you shut up.”

and in minho’s eyes, you could see he was truly happy and ready to take that step.  
that day, they only wished for bigger dreams and better days to come. because it’s okay to be selfish. and because they wanted the best for each other and for themselves.

epilogue  
i am: free  
part 22: i am me (got7)

they are both idiots,  
they are both fools

but they are free and they are able to smile, and it has been like that for five months

it’s not always easy  
but they have each other  
and they are the light of their lives  
they won’t turn off soon.


End file.
